Bringing shortcomings to light is a form of self-love. (Image courtesy of Ian Chen)
I long to see a world of justice and joy; a world where all people’s material needs are met, and we lovingly support each other’s emotional, spiritual, and creative flourishing. Though my life is directed toward manifesting this vision, I often do things that subvert it. Though I long to be a force of peace and transformation, I often commit violence and perpetuate societal distortions.
As I walk the path back to love, truth, and unity, I have noticed more and more the ways in which I have missed the mark; ways in which I have fallen short of expressing what is truly in my heart. In the spirit and wisdom of Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of return to wholeness and connection, I offer just some of the things I have noticed here. My intention is that by expressing them publicly I will be more accountable to changing my behavior. My hope is that others will see themselves in my confession, and join me on the path back to love. My prayer is that this offering will help us all heal and welcome each other in beloved community.
I have hidden.
I have stayed in the comfort of my own mental constructs. I have dismissed worldviews that contradict my own.
I have used thoughts to avoid confronting my feelings; used beliefs to cloak my needs and wounds; and used arguments to mask my fears.
I have tried to use my mind to control, predict, and create safety. I have fled from the tender power of my heart, and the truths that compassion makes me confront.
I have hated.
I have hated patterns of oppression. Hated them when they appeared in me, then hated myself. Hated them when they appeared in others, then hated others.
I have branded and shunned people who see the world differently. I have done it in my own mind, and I have done it with my language and my actions.
I have frozen people in one moment in time, and not allowed room for their growth, healing, and transformation.
I have fully internalized a distorted view of myself, believed myself to be nothing more than my unchosen role in an an oppressive system, and hated myself for things beyond my control.
I have diminished.
I have reduced people to nothing more than the distorted societal patterns that manifest in their behavior.
I have failed to see people’s true humanity and complexity; and then imagined myself insightful for doing so.
I have thought the only truths worth speaking about are pain, oppression, and injustice and have failed to make space for love, transcendence, and hope.
I have allowed my understanding of my true nature to be limited to what people around me are comfortable with.
I have judged.
I have seen people only for the harm or threat they pose, and not the wounds they suffer from.
I have interpreted people’s different experiences, understandings of politics, and uses of language as character flaws.
I have fixated on people’s missteps and failed to see their humanity.
I have reduced people to nothing more than their unchosen roles in social systems
I have used my words as weapons.
I have gossiped about people’s political or identity shortcomings and by doing so, trapped them in the box of my limited understanding.
I have imagined myself as superior to other people, then leveraged politics to put other people down.
I have used an analysis of oppression to display intellectual dominance.
I have leveraged my access to various forms of education and mentorship to make other people feel stupid, ashamed, unsafe, and unwelcomed.
I have worshipped my own self image.
I have imagined a world where some people are morally superior to others. I have enforced that vision on others to inflate my sense of self worth, and avoid confronting my own human struggles.
I have been infatuated with my self-righteousness.
I have idolized my own understanding so much that I could not see the truths of others.
I have used the language of revolution to inflate my ego.
I have used politics and social movements as a forum to acquire social status.
I have feared.
I have remained palatable to enforcers of radical left political correctness because I am afraid of being misunderstood or ostracized.
I have clung to my beliefs and not allowed room for contradictory truths to emerge.
I have failed to speak my truth because I believe I will be judged or shunned by my progressive/leftist/radical community.
I have presented myself as a victim in order to be welcomed as credible.
I have limited my circle of compassion to only those who agree with me.
I have become attached to mental constructs of justice and failed to cultivate the courage to love and act directly from the heart.
This is an incomplete list of what I have done. I doubt any of it will come as a surprise to those who know me, especially those who have suffered at my hand. I welcome folks to add to this list with things they have observed in me, or in themselves.
I am sorry. My actions have hurt people. I have hurt people I care about. I have slowed the cultivation of the compassionate world that I long to see, and I have done it in the name of speeding it up. I cannot guarantee that I will be able to fully stop behaving this way, will commit myself to doing the best I can, knowing full well that next year will be another Yom Kippur, another time for repentance, another opportunity for a more full return.
I also apologize to myself. I have been so hard on myself; constantly aspiring to an unachievable standard and then feeling bad that I don’t meet it. It is easier for me to see and share my mistakes then to notice and be proud of my successes. The gentle heart that motivates my life often goes unrecognized by the mind that sees nothing but how much more work there is to be done. Tomorrow, when the season turns from repentance to joy, I might just follow my father’s advice and write a piece about how much I’ve grown and transformed. Somehow that feels way riskier for me, so today I’ll just bask in the paradox that bringing shortcomings to light is a form of self-love.
I feel a discomfort in sharing all this, but I feel no shame. We are all missing the mark of what we could be; we are all trying our best to return to our loving and compassionate natures; and we are all walking this path on a landscape scarred by the violence of our times in a world we did not choose to be born into. I feel healing in offering my missteps into the light of repentance. Today, I recommit to loving myself, to loving you, and allowing the light of our hearts to warm us during this cold night of history we find ourselves in.
___________
Simon Mont is an Oakland based artist, healer, facilitator, and organizer. To learn more about Simon’s work consulting to support collaborative leadership for just, joyful, and strategic organizations visit www.Harmonize.work. Simon welcomes opportunities to connect, collaborate, and explore.
I need to read this every day. It’s superb!!
“Hundreds of candles can be lit from a solitary candle, and the daily life of the candle will not be shortened. Contentment in no way decreases by currently being shared.” The BuddhaCandles are an age old classic component of Buddhist rituals. In conjunction with incense and bouquets, they are placed in entrance of Buddhist shrines or statues and photographs of the Buddha as a mark of regard. They are typically accompanied by offerings of meals and drink. The gentle of the burning candle flame represents the light-weight of the Buddha’s teachings. Candles and incense also evoke the state of impermanence and change.Their light can also be said to symbolize the enlightenment of the Buddha.Thailand Buddhist Candle Competition”Just as a candle can’t burn up with no fireplace, guys can’t reside with out a religious daily life.” The BuddhaBuddhist Lent Working day in Thailand, an overwhelmingly Buddhist region is in July every calendar year and is mainly practiced by recognized monks. The working day just before the start of Lent, the Candle Festival is celebrated by Thai folks. This Competition is celebrated correct across the region, but the most particularly celebrations get area in Ubon Rachathani north-eastern Thailand (Isaan).In accordance to tradition, Buddhist Lent Working day began as a consequence of villagers complaining to the Buddha. It is said that a team of ordained monks have been producing merit (tamboon) and experienced walked by means of wet rice fields. At this time the rice fields ended up at the peak of their development and by strolling in them they had ruined the crop. As a consequence the legend has it that the Buddha instructed all monks to practice creating benefit while only remaining inside the confines of their temples. Today Buddhist Lent stipulates that all monks have to continue to be confined to their temples for a period of time of three months during the wet year, starting on the initial working day of the eighth waning moon.Thai individuals offer a variety of basic products to their monks and this supplying also consists of candles and this of system contains the well-known Candle Competition. In prior occasions most temples had no electrical energy and so candles experienced an crucial symbolic importance for ceremonies but also a lot more pretty much for illumination in daily use. In addition they are explained to depict knowledge as divine mild throughout the Candle Festival the Buddhist laity apply their beliefs by giving big and often extravagantly embellished candles to the monks.Candle Pageant Celebrations: “There are two ways of spreading light-weight: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” Edith WhartonOn the working day prior to Lent, massive teams of folks get with their beautifully adorned candles and march with them on elaborate and beautiful parades. The prosperous, luxuriously sculpted decorations on these beautiful functions of artwork portray willpower, unity, and the beliefs of that neighborhood. The candle parade procession includes the broadest cross segment of the community all in their best garments. In Ubon Ratchathani this also involves numerous teams of neighborhood Isaan performers, musicians and dancers who accompany the candles as they make their way by way of the town. There is also a well-known attractiveness contest to choose Miss Candle (who is regarded as the most beautiful girl of that neighborhood).Throughout the nation, there are celebrations of the Candle Competition. Whatsoever the weather conditions in Thailand the men and women have fun and expressing their religion on July eight, the commencing of Buddhist lent.”How much that minor candle throws its beams! So shines a excellent deed in a naughty world.” William ShakespeareCandle MeditationSit a tranquil tranquil place and light a candle. It could be of any colour but some desire a blue or a white a single. Now stare deep into the burning flame of the candle and target on it. Will not let your eyesight of the candle flame grow to be blurred. As you stare at the burning flame your head will become loaded with the noise of every day pondering, concerns and trivial concerns. These ought to just start off to drift away and following a short while, you may possibly start to acquire images and ideas that do not look to appear from you. Get these as your non secular guides and attempt to interpret them.Maintain staring at the burning flame do not be distracted and try to interpret the visions you are acquiring. 1 widespread illustration is that of ‘seeing’ a peeled onion. At very first this may possibly appear senseless but in this illustration it could signify that as you vacation further together on your life’s route, the levels are becoming peeled away permitting you to see and experience the supreme main of you existence.As you development even more with your candle meditation consider to find out to have faith in your personal evaluation and comprehension of these views that the candle provides to your head. This type of meditation as a result functions as a strong way of concentrating your focus.Try to create up your expertise of candle meditation from five minutes a working day to 20 minutes and do this over numerous months. Your eyes will want to adapt to the dim mild and more than time, you will be able distinguish among which views are your personal and which can act as your non secular guides.”Much better to mild a candle than curse the darkness” Chinese proverb”As a white candle in a holy location, So is the beauty of an aged face” Joseph CampbellWhere is the World’s Most significant Candle?”We say God and the creativeness are 1… How substantial that highest candle lights the darkish.” Wallace StevensDigressing a bit from the use of Candles in Buddhism in my investigation I diverted to see what human imagination could provide to the entire world of candles – this is what I located.”A excellent teacher is like a candle – it consumes alone to light the way for other folks.” AnonThere are a lot of contenders and a extended heritage of the look for for the world’s biggest candle. The initial contender for the world’s most significant candle is the United states of america – the Warm Glow Candle Outlet in Centreville, Indiana where they claim to have the world’s greatest candle. Nonetheless At the Stockholm Exhibition of 1897 what has been described as the world’s biggest candle on file went on display. This huge candle is mentioned to have been eighty ft substantial and measuring 8 and a 50 feet in diameter.The extended proven firm of Ajello Candles is another contender for the historic title of the world’s most significant candle. In 1921 it designed the Enrico Caruso Memorial Candle.This candle measured five ft in circumference and tapered at the top to eighteen inches. This candle stood an amazing eighteen ft tall and as soon as the candle was burning the business claimed it could keep on for 1800 several years, burning a single day each and every yr on the anniversary of Enrico Caruso’s demise.In 2005 in Jerusalem they made the world’s premier Hannukha candle. This substantial candle was more than eight and a half metres in top and 85cm extensive. It was located in the Pisga mall in the city. These are just some examples of what claim to be or had been the world’s greatest candles.”Nirvana is not the blowing out of the candle. It is the extinguishing of the candle’s flame simply because working day is come.” Rabindranath Tago
“Hundreds of candles can be lit from a one candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Pleasure in no way decreases by becoming shared.” The BuddhaCandles are an age aged conventional element of Buddhist rituals. In conjunction with incense and bouquets, they are put in entrance of Buddhist shrines or statues and photographs of the Buddha as a mark of respect. They are often accompanied by offerings of meals and drink. The gentle of the burning candle flame represents the light of the Buddha’s teachings. Candles and incense also evoke the state of impermanence and modify.Their mild can also be mentioned to symbolize the enlightenment of the Buddha.Thailand Buddhist Candle Festival”Just as a candle cannot melt away with no hearth, men can not live with out a religious life.” The BuddhaBuddhist Lent Day in Thailand, an overwhelmingly Buddhist nation is in July each 12 months and is primarily practiced by established monks. The day prior to the commence of Lent, the Candle Competition is celebrated by Thai people. This Festival is celebrated correct across the place, but the most particularly celebrations take area in Ubon Rachathani north-eastern Thailand (Isaan).In accordance to tradition, Buddhist Lent Working day commenced as a result of villagers complaining to the Buddha. It is said that a group of ordained monks were generating benefit (tamboon) and had walked by means of damp rice fields. At this time the rice fields ended up at the peak of their expansion and by going for walks in them they experienced ruined the crop. As a consequence the legend has it that the Buddha told all monks to apply generating merit although only remaining inside the confines of their temples. Presently Buddhist Lent stipulates that all monks should continue to be confined to their temples for a period of time of 3 months in the course of the wet season, starting on the initial working day of the eighth waning moon.Thai individuals supply a range of basic goods to their monks and this giving also includes candles and this of course consists of the famous Candle Pageant. In preceding occasions most temples experienced no electricity and so candles had an essential symbolic importance for ceremonies but also a lot more virtually for illumination in every day use. In addition they are mentioned to symbolize wisdom as divine light-weight for the duration of the Candle Competition the Buddhist laity follow their beliefs by providing big and typically extravagantly adorned candles to the monks.Candle Pageant Celebrations: “There are two methods of spreading gentle: to be the candle or the mirror that demonstrates it.” Edith WhartonOn the working day just before Lent, huge teams of people gather with their wonderfully adorned candles and march with them on elaborate and stunning parades. The abundant, luxuriously sculpted decorations on these beautiful operates of artwork portray willpower, unity, and the beliefs of that local community. The candle parade procession contains the broadest cross segment of the group all in their very best clothing. In Ubon Ratchathani this also consists of a lot of teams of regional Isaan performers, musicians and dancers who accompany the candles as they make their way via the city. There is also a popular elegance contest to select Skip Candle (who is regarded as the most stunning lady of that community).During the nation, there are celebrations of the Candle Festival. Whatever the weather conditions in Thailand the people have enjoyable and expressing their religion on July eight, the beginning of Buddhist lent.”How far that tiny candle throws its beams! So shines a excellent deed in a naughty globe.” William ShakespeareCandle MeditationSit a tranquil peaceful place and light-weight a candle. It could be of any color but some prefer a blue or a white one particular. Now stare deep into the burning flame of the candle and target on it. Never allow your vision of the candle flame turn into blurred. As you stare at the burning flame your brain will become crammed with the sound of daily contemplating, worries and trivial worries. These must just commence to drift away and after a quick while, you may start to receive pictures and ideas that do not appear to arrive from you. Get these as your religious guides and try to interpret them.Maintain staring at the burning flame do not be distracted and try out to interpret the visions you are obtaining. A single common example is that of ‘seeing’ a peeled onion. At first this may seem senseless but in this example it could signify that as you journey further together on your life’s route, the layers are getting peeled absent making it possible for you to see and knowledge the greatest main of you existence.As you development even more with your candle meditation try to discover to have faith in your own examination and knowing of these views that the candle provides to your mind. This type of meditation hence acts as a strong way of concentrating your concentration.Consider to construct up your expertise of candle meditation from 5 minutes a day to 20 minutes and do this in excess of several months. Your eyes will require to adapt to the dim light-weight and more than time, you will be ready distinguish amongst which feelings are your own and which can act as your non secular guides.”Far better to gentle a candle than curse the darkness” Chinese proverb”As a white candle in a holy place, So is the splendor of an aged encounter” Joseph CampbellWhere is the World’s Biggest Candle?”We say God and the creativeness are a single… How high that optimum candle lights the dim.” Wallace StevensDigressing slightly from the use of Candles in Buddhism in my research I diverted to see what human creativeness could bring to the globe of candles – this is what I identified.”A excellent teacher is like a candle – it consumes by itself to light the way for other folks.” AnonThere are a lot of contenders and a extended background of the lookup for the world’s biggest candle. The very first contender for the world’s biggest candle is the Usa – the Warm Glow Candle Outlet in Centreville, Indiana exactly where they declare to have the world’s largest candle. However At the Stockholm Exhibition of 1897 what has been described as the world’s biggest candle on document went on display. This massive candle is said to have been eighty ft substantial and measuring 8 and a 50 percent ft in diameter.The extended established organization of Ajello Candles is one more contender for the historic title of the world’s most significant candle. In 1921 it designed the Enrico Caruso Memorial Candle.This candle calculated five toes in circumference and tapered at the best to eighteen inches. This candle stood an amazing eighteen feet tall and when the candle was burning the firm claimed it could keep on for 1800 a long time, burning one day each and every year on the anniversary of Enrico Caruso’s death.In 2005 in Jerusalem they produced the world’s largest Hannukha candle. This enormous candle was more than 8 and a 50 percent metres in peak and 85cm vast. It was located in the Pisga mall in the metropolis. These are just some examples of what assert to be or had been the world’s premier candles.”Nirvana is not the blowing out of the candle. It is the extinguishing of the candle’s flame since day is appear.” Rabindranath Tago