Mourning the dead—especially those dead of violence—is one way in which societies mark their boundaries, name their enemies, and remember their histories. For Israeli-Jewish society, it has become a ritual act with quasi-religious intensity to pause for an entire day (just before Independence Day) to mourn those Israelis killed in various wars with the various Arab states and the Palestinian people over the last two generations.

More recently, there has been a concerted effort to persuade American Jews to publicly mourn especially the deaths of Israeli civilians killed in attacks by Palestinians. That effort intensified with the deaths of eight students at the Mercaz HaRav yeshiva in March, 2008.

In my view, mourning only “our own” dead who have been killed by members of another community usually (not always) sparks fear, rage, and hatred toward the community out of which their killers came.

To mourn those of both communities who have been killed by persons from the other one usually has a quite different effect:  it usually sparks sorrow, compassion, and a sense of determination to end the killing.

Indeed, among some Israelis and Palestinians there has arisen a group, the Circle of Bereaved Families, made up of people whose family members have been killed by the “other side” and who have decided not only to mourn all those dead in Israeli-Palestinian violence but to work together for peace that will end this killing.

How then should American Jews, Palestinian Americans, and Americans in general respond to these deaths?

Both practices—mourning “our own” and mourning “both”—call forth a "political" and "spiritual" response. The question that faces us is which spiritual/ political response we wish to evoke in our selves and our communities.

So I invite all of us to consider publicly naming, remembering, and mourning  the people—some Israelis, some Palestinians—named below. For Jews, this could be done in a special recitation of the Mourners Kaddish, which perhaps might end in a prayer for peace not only “al kol Yisrael, for the whole Jewish people” as does the traditional Kaddish, but also “v’al kol Yishmael v’al kol yoshvei tevel—for all the children of Ishmael (the Arab peoples) and for all who dwell on the planet. ”  

For the other religious communities that hark back to Abraham, these names could be recited as a call to affirm the need for peace in the region where Abraham, Hagar, and Sarah once pitched their tent, open to all travelers. (The names of Americans and Iraqis killed in the present war could be added as well.)

And I invite us to begin greeting and parting from each other by saying “Shalom, salaam, peace”—words that each of our communities has said one of, internally, for centuries, and that we now need to share with each other.

It is possible for us to list these names because there is an Israeli organization, B ’Tselem, (“In the Image”—that is, in the Image of God did God create the human), which keeps meticulous records of the numbers and names of Israelis and Palestinians who have been killed by violence from the other nation since September 2000.  See www.btselem.org/English and click on “Statistics.”

The names of the eight Israelis murdered at Mercaz HaRav are listed below. So is the name of the Israeli killed by Palestinian rocket fire February 28 in Sderot, and after him, the Palestinian noncombatant civilians listed by B ’Tselem as having been killed by Israeli Army action in February, together with some bare information about their situations.

After these names I want to say more about why I think it important to name and mourn all these dead, not just those of one side or the other.

The first eight [whose biographies appeared extensively in Western and Jewish media] were killed at Mercaz HaRav. None were engaged in hostilities when killed.

Yohai Livshitz, 18, from Jerusalem,

Yonatan Yitzhak Eldar, 16, from Shilo,

Yonadav Haim Hirschfeld, 19, from Kohav Hashahar,

Neria Cohen, 15, from Jerusalem,

Segev Peniel Avihail, 15, from Neve Daniel,

Avraham David Moses, 16, from Efrat,

Roee Roth, 18, from Elkana,

Doron Meherete, 26, from Ashdod.

Roni Yechiah, 47. Student at Sapir College in Sderot. The father of four was killed Feb. 28 in a Qassam attack. (Haaretz)  

The following Palestinian noncombatant civilians were killed by Israeli Army action in February.

AP PHOTO/HATEM MOUSSA

Alaa Ayman ‘Omar al-Burno

17 year-old resident of Gaza city, injured on 28.02.2008 in a-Shati’ Camp, Gaza district, by gunfire, from a helicopter, and died on 29.02.2008. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when standing next to a Palestinian Police position while he was talking with his friend, a police officer.

Tal’at Saleh ‘Othman a-Nmeilat

21 year-old resident of Beit Lahiya, North Gaza district, killed on 28.02.2008 in Beit Lahiya, North Gaza district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when standing next to his house. Palestinians about 40 meters from his house fired Qassam rockets into Israeli territory.

Amjad Hafez Kheydar a-Sakani

16 year-old resident of Gaza city, killed on 28.02.2008 in Gaza city, by gunfire. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when he and his friends tried to approach an army post after taking part in a funeral at a cemetery about 300 meters from the Israeli border.

‘Omar Hussein Muhammad Dardunah

14 year-old resident of Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, killed on 28.02.2008 in Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when he and his friends were playing soccer near their house. Apparently, Palestinians more than 100 meters away fired Qassam rockets.

Dardunah Dib Khalil Dardunah

10 year-old resident of Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, killed on 28.02.2008 in Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when he and his friends were playing soccer near their house. Apparently, Palestinians more than 100 meters away fired Qassam rockets.

‘Ali Munir Muhammad Dardunah

6 year-old resident of Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, killed on 28.02.2008 in Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when he and his friends were playing soccer near their house. Apparently, Palestinians more than 100 meters away fired Qassam rockets.

Muhammad Na’im Mahmoud Hamuda

13 year-old resident of Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, killed on 28.02.2008 in Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when he and his friends were playing soccer near their house. Apparently, Palestinians more than 100 meters away fired Qassam rockets.

Muhammad Sa’dallah Muhammad al-Hilu

19 year-old resident of Gaza city, killed on 28.02.2008 in a-Shati’ Camp, Gaza district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Traffic policeman. Killed while at his position talking with two friends.

Khalil Ibrahim Hamuda Ahel

26 year-old resident of Gaza city, killed on 28.02.2008 in Gaza city, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when riding in a beverage truck near a-Shifa Hospital, Gaza City.

Muhammad ‘Ali Ma’sud hashem al-Hilu

31 year-old resident of Gaza city, killed on 28.02.2008 in Gaza city, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when riding in a beverage truck near a-Shifa Hospital, Gaza City.

Muhammad Suliman Mahmoud Shameyah

21 year-old resident of Khan Yunis Refugee Camp, killed on 28.02.2008 in Khan Yunis, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed.

Bilal Kamel Fakhri Hejazi

14 year-old resident of Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, killed on 27.02.2008 in Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when playing near his house. Apparently Palestinians fired Qassam rockets from the area a few minutes earlier.

‘Aziz Jawdat Muhammad Ma’sud

21 year-old resident of Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, killed on 27.02.2008 in Khan Yunis, by gunfire, from a helicopter.

Muhammad Majdi Muhammad

Abu al-Hassein

21 year-old resident of Jabalya, North Gaza district, killed on 27.02.2008 in Khan Yunis, by gunfire, from a helicopter.

Hammad Murshed ‘Atiyyah al-Masalhah

52 year-old resident of Gaza city, killed on 27.02.2008 in Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when grazing his flock about two kilometers from the Israeli border. A guard in the citrus grove was also killed.

Muhammad Khalil Suliman Hamadah

13 year-old resident of Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, killed on 27.02.2008 in Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when playing near his house. Apparently Palestinians fired Qassam rockets from the area a few minutes earlier.

‘Omar ‘Atiyyah Salamah Abu ‘Aqer

26 year-old resident of Khan Yunis Refugee Camp, killed on 27.02.2008 in Khan Yunis, by gunfire, from a helicopter.

Muhammad Naser ‘Abd al-‘Aziz al-Bura’i

Less than 1 year-old resident of Gaza city, killed on 27.02.2008 in Gaza city, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Six-month old infant. He was killed while sleeping in his bed when the ceiling collapsed on him as a result of the bombing of the Interior Ministry building.

Mnawar Rizeq ‘Awad Abu Mandil

36 year-old resident of al-Maghazi Refugee Camp, Deir al-Balah district, killed on 27.02.2008 in Jabalya Refugee Camp, North Gaza district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed while on duty guarding a citrus grove about two kilometers from the Israeli border. He was killed in the same incident in which the shepherd was killed.

Hassan Salman ‘Ali Abu Sabt

31 year-old resident of al-Qarara, Rafah district, killed on 26.02.2008 in al-Qarara, Rafah district, by gunfire, from a tank. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when working his farmland near his house.

Ibrahim Ahmad Zidan Abu Jarad

20 year-old resident of Beit Hanun, North Gaza district, killed on 23.02.2008 in Beit Hanun, North Gaza district, by gunfire. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when on a picnic with friends about 1,200 meters from the border with Israel.

Muhammad Talal Muhammad a-Z’anin

20 year-old resident of Beit Hanun, North Gaza district, killed on 23.02.2008 in Beit Hanun, North Gaza district, by gunfire. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when on a picnic with friends about 1,200 meters from the border with Israel.

Muhammad Ibrahim Mustafa Hasanein

20 year-old resident of Beit Hanun, North Gaza district, killed on 23.02.2008 in Beit Hanun, North Gaza district, by gunfire. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when on a picnic with friends about 1,200 meters from the border with Israel.

Tammer Muhammad ‘Abd a-Razeq

Abu Sh’ar

9 year-old resident of Deir al-Balah, killed on 19.02.2008 in Deir al-Balah, by gunfire. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed during the army's incursion into the area when he was standing by his house.

‘Awani Muhammad ‘Abd al-Hamid

Abu Taha

46 year-old resident of Rafah, injured on 17.02.2008 in Rafah, by gunfire, and died on 18.02.2008. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when he was on his way to the grocery store near his house during the army's incursion into the area.

‘Abd al-Karim Muhammad

Hussein al-Ghalban

27 year-old resident of Rafah, killed on 17.02.2008 in Rafah, by gunfire. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed when he went to buy milk for his son during an army incursion into the area.

Ibrahim Salman Hussein Sabah

28 year-old resident of Rafah, killed on 17.02.2008 in Rafah, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Policeman killed when on duty as a traffic policeman near Rafah Crossing during the army's incursion into the area. Another police officer was wounded.

Taysir Muhammad ‘Abd al-Qader

‘Abd al-‘Aziz

57 year-old resident of Qabatiya, Jenin district, injured on 07.02.2008 in Qabatiya, Jenin district, by gunfire, and died on 14.02.2008. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Suffered a mental disability. Killed when walking to his house, late at night, during an army action.

Muhammad Bassam Isma’il Abu Mteir

21 year-old resident of Rafah, killed on 09.02.2008 in Rafah, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Additional information: Killed when walking in the street in the Brazil neighborhood.

Hani Sha’ban Muhammad Na’im

44 year-old resident of Gaza city, killed on 07.02.2008 in Beit Hanun, North Gaza district, by gunfire. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Killed by a missle that landed in an agricultural school where he taught. Three students were injured. A half an hour earlier, Palestinians fired Qassam rockets into Israel from an area close to the school.

Soheil Ra’fat ‘Ali al-Ghasin

38 year-old resident of Gaza city, killed on 06.02.2008 in Jabalya, North Gaza district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Additional information: Killed when walking on Salah-a-Din Street.

Muhammad Mussa

Muhammad Abu S’aadeh

21 year-old resident of Bani Suheila, Khan Yunis district, killed on 05.02.2008 in ‘Abasan al-Kabira, Khan Yunis district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Policeman. Killed when at a Palestinian Police position.

Ahmad Isma’il Ibrahim Mesbah

20 year-old resident of ‘Abasan al-Kabira, Khan Yunis district, killed on 05.02.2008 in 'Abasan al-Kabira, Khan Yunis district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Policeman. Killed when at a Palestinian Police position.

‘Abd a-Nasser Ibrahim

Mahmoud Abu Nasser

32 year-old resident of ‘Abasan al-Kabira, Khan Yunis district, killed on 05.02.2008 in ‘Abasan al-Kabira, Khan Yunis district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Policeman. Killed when at a Palestinian Police position.

Osama ‘Ali ‘Ali Abu S’aadeh

20 year-old resident of Bani Suheila, Khan Yunis district, killed on 05.02.2008 in ‘Abasan al-Kabira, Khan Yunis district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Policeman. Killed when at a Palestinian Police position.

Ra’fat Ahmad Rizeq Qdeih

20 year-old resident of Khan Yunis, killed on 05.02.2008 in 'Abasan al-Kabira, Khan Yunis district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Policeman. Killed when at a Palestinian Police position.

Wafi Hamad Muhammad Abu Yusef

23 year-old resident of ‘Abasan al-Kabira, Khan Yunis district, killed on 05.02.2008 in ‘Abasan al-Kabira, Khan Yunis district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Policeman. Killed when at a Palestinian Police position.

Mu’ataz ‘Abd a-Razeq A’bed Abu Shahla

26 year-old resident of Khan Yunis, killed on 05.02.2008 in ‘Abasan al-Kabira, Khan Yunis district, by gunfire, from a helicopter. Did not participate in hostilities when killed. Additional information: Policeman. Killed when at a Palestinian Police position.

Why we need to mourn them all

The argument has been raised that mourning the lives of those who died from deliberate attacks on civilians is different from mourning civilians, including children, who died by “accident” as a result of attacks on alleged terrorists.

First of all, the dead are the dead, and their death brings deep grief into the hearts of their families. It is especially true that the deaths of civilians, especially children, are likely to breed bitterness, not only grief.  

If the families of the innocents see those who belong to the “enemy” nation mourning the deaths they have suffered, the result is far more likely to be the softening of hearts and the desire to make peace. Stony hard-heartedness from either side about the deaths of the other is far more likely to breed more hard-heartedness.

From this perspective, ask yourself the question: If you are Israeli or Jewish, would you have wanted Palestinians to express their grief at the deaths of the eight students at Mercaz HaRav? (Some did) If more had, how would that have affected you?

Now turn the question around. If you are Palestinian, or strongly sympathetic to Palestinians, how would it have affected you if more Jews had expressed their grief over the deaths of civilians in Gaza?

Secondly, I question the assumption that the recent deaths of Palestinian civilians or children in Gaza were “accidental,” even when the bomb or bullet was being aimed at alleged terrorists.

I think that at the level of an individual’s action, it is quite correct to say that there is no “moral equivalence” between deliberately blowing up a pizzeria or a yeshiva, compared to dropping bombs from an airplane that the bombardier personally and individually intends to kill an allegedly guilty single person, but in the doing kills totally innocent individuals, including children.

(Even in this regard, remember that there has been no trial, the accused has no chance to offer a defense, and that in a number of instances the Israeli government has admitted it killed the wrong person.)

But now look at the institutional level, as well as the individual level. First of all, it seems to me that knowing for sure that the result of allegedly targeted assassinations is going to be the death of innocents, including the deaths of children, and then using this method again and again and again, becomes morally culpable at the institutional and governmental level. Especially when there is an alternative.

What is more, the Israeli government keeps saying that it is trying to get the entire population of Gaza to dump Hamas by cutting electric power, food and medicine shipments, etc. The Israeli government's idea is that if people are deprived of these necessities, they will decide not to vote for Hamas any more. Even if this works — and mostly it doesn’t, most people who suffer economic deprivation or bombing mostly blame the sanction-makers or the bombers, not their own leaders —even if it works, it is terrorism. Using violence to terrorize a civilian population into changing its political behavior is the core definition of terrorism.

Now I said, “especially when there is an alternative.” What do I mean? Again and again, Hamas has offered a cease-fire, which 64 percent of Israelis supported at the last poll, and the Israeli government has refused.  

Sometimes the reason given for rejecting a ceasefire is that Hamas would use the ceasefire to improve its weapons. And Israel would not? And the ceasefire could not include renewed provisions for no arms build-up? Should that be bilateral?

Sometimes the reason given is that Hamas refuses to “recognize” Israel and asserts it wants Israel to disappear. The United States for a whole generation refused to “recognize” China and wanted it to disappear. So when Nixon offered to negotiate, China should have refused? Or was the offer itself the first step toward “recognition”?

So I think we should recognize that at the social and institutional level, the Israeli government has chosen to act in such a way as to kill civilians, when it did not need to. Their deaths are not mere accidents.

To take an example that may be more familiar: Are people who die from nicotine “accidental” deaths because the cigarette companies did not choose them by name specifically to die — merely set up the situation by which some smokers were bound to die from lung cancer? (And since some smokers don ’t die young from lung cancer, are those who do “accidental deaths”?)

Those four kids killed while playing soccer were “un-chosen” in exactly the same way.  

So the argument against “moral equivalence” of the two sets of deaths is correct at the level of individual personal responsibility, and incorrect at the level of social-institutional responsibility.

So for all these reasons, I think the Israeli and the Palestinian civilians who have been killed by the violence of each other's nation all deserve our grief and our prayers.  

And for me, the biblical story of Isaac and Ishmael coming together for the first time since their decades-previous estrangement to mourn their father Abraham is a teaching in this direction.